Reflection on finding myself after divorce
When my ex-husband and I divorced in 2016, I didn’t know who I was anymore. I had spent the last 10 years of my life being molded into what I thought I needed to be as the wife of an accomplished attorney. I changed a lot about what I wore and how I styled my hair, the jokes I would tell or the types of conversations I would have. I thought I was “becoming a grown up.” What I was actually doing was trying to fit a mold of who I thought I should be. So, when everything came crashing down and I was on my own again, now 40 years old, I was totally lost.
I wasn’t sure what was me and what was the mask I had worn for so many years. I had to get to know myself again. At first, I was in too much emotional trauma to do much more than work, watch TV with a glass of wine (or two or three) and eat. Slowly, I started trading my TV time for reading and meditation and then I ditched the wine altogether and fully immersed myself in reading and meditation. In the meantime, I took a new job and a move to a new city. Being in a new city with no friends made for lots of time to read and meditate outside of work with no distractions. I was so immersed in self-discovery and self-improvement; I didn’t have much time to be lonely. But eventually, I did start to get a little lonesome. One Sunday, I decided to go find a church to go to, but being the Type A personality that I am, I thought it would be very efficient if I could find one near the car wash, I wanted to go to afterwards. So, I ended up at Centers for Spiritual Living in Dallas, a twist of fate that had to be divinely guided. I walked in and was greeted warmly with hugs, like I was a long-lost friend, not a total stranger entering the place for the first time. The message was positive and full of love, the music inspiring and upbeat. There was coffee and snacks afterwards and I learned about a whole host of classes and workshops and meditation opportunities available. I dove in to CSL Dallas as my social outlet and gained so much spiritual growth and knowledge of life in my time there. When life would take me to a new city and state the following year, it was the only thing I would truly miss about my time in Dallas.
After moving to North Carolina, I struggled with missing CSL Dallas and was sad to discover there was not a CSL Charlotte. I attended a small Unity church for a few months, but the vibe was just missing. One day last August, I got a Meetup alert about a place called Carolina Center for Spiritual Awakening that had Sunday service not too far from my house. I decided to give it a try one Sunday with my boyfriend and my grief over CSL Dallas melted away. I had found the same welcoming atmosphere, energetic music and inspirational messages that I had been missing. I was home!! Now, I am proud to call CCSA my spiritual home and I volunteer regularly there doing a variety of things from leading Community Soul Nights in Charlotte to helping with setup and doing announcements.
My process of finding myself after divorce led me through stages of self-imposed isolation, depression, self-exploration, healing, reconnection, transformation and finally wholeness. But I’m not done yet. The journey continues. Each day I take a step toward being the best version of myself I can be and helping others do the same.